There are many debated opinions when it comes to dating between a man and a woman. One of them is whether the man should pay for the bill. My dating partners and acquaintances have taught me that it is not the man’s responsibility to pay for dates, or at least not all of it should be covered by the man. I am used to this chain of actions: We finish the food. The man offers to pay. I suggest splitting. The man insists. I accept their generosity. While scrolling through a fitness blogger’s Youtube channel recently, she stated her opinion on why men should pay for dates. Her logic is that she does not want to be with a man that lets her worry about money. Because if he is so stingy that he wants to split a meal, what about when they get married and have to spend on many other more significant things?
I usually like paying for each other in turns when I date someone, but that rule is more flexible when the other person has a stable income already versus me working part-time as a student for ten bucks an hour. Another reason I don’t like always being paid for is because I don’t want to owe people. My logic is that if someone gives me something, in this case, covering my expenses, they would automatically expect something in return. And I don’t know how to explain that men and women should be equal, yet men should generally cover women’s spending. If it is a man’s job to cover expenses for both, does it become a woman’s job to ensure the house is clean? This is not a rhetorical question; I’m genuinely seeking an answer.
I remember talking with a family friend in Canada. He complained that going on dates costs a lot, on average, 150 or 200 dollars per meal. I asked him why he went to such expensive places, and he said that he often lets the girls choose the venue, and even when it is pretty expensive, he simply accepts. When the bill comes, the girls don’t bother to touch their purses and simply assume that the man should pay. It’s interesting because it gets me thinking about the expense of dating versus the value of a date. I wonder if, compared to these girls, I would be seen as ‘cheap’ if I recommended more affordable restaurants and would be valued less when I offered to split the bill. I also recall one of my dates. I insisted on splitting because I felt I could as an independent woman, and my date took it as a sign that I had no interest in him. Another time, I suggested a coffee shop that ‘I have heard of but never been to,’ and my date told me months after that it is such a typical ‘tactic’ when girls want free food. At this point, I’m not even sure. But moving forward, this summer, start letting the other person choose the restaurant. I can foresee this mode of interaction going a long way: We eat. He offers to pay. But this time, I might try to happily accept and say thank you for the food, then see how things go from there.
About the author:
Selene is 22 years old, girl, Chinese, Japanese, alcohol-very-intolerent, ADHD…
She is a cultural sandwich with a heart as soft as firm tofu, and the three words she wants others to describe her with in life are: Genuine, Colorful, and Loving & Lovely (sorry but can’t find a word that combines both so here they serve as one word!).
